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Some Postpartum Truths You Need to Hear:

9/12/2018

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As a therapist specializing in perinatal mood, I have been sitting with and supporting postpartum women for nearly a decade.  I was trained in a very mainstream traditional graduate program for clinical psychology, which necessitated me to continue my education in search of more holistic ways of understanding the postpartum woman’s body.  Training as a yoga teacher and an apprentice of the healing arts dramatically shifted my perspective on mental health and wellness, and today I offer an alternative view on the postpartum period for women in America. 
 
The hormones and endocrine system of a postpartum woman are complex and vulnerable to imbalance after pregnancy and childbirth.  If you have struggled with mood symptoms around your menstrual cycle, it suggests that you entered pregnancy in an imbalanced hormonal state.  Women who are sensitive to hormone fluctuations are at a higher risk for postpartum mood symptoms.  Lactation hormones and stress hormones in combination with extreme levels of progesterone and estrogen can create a mixture of anger, irritability, fear, and sadness.  Hormones are psychiatric pretenders; therefore, it is important to address hormone and thyroid balance and any key nutrient deficiencies prior to beginning pharmaceutical treatments. 
 
Psychologically, women are sold the idea through the media and social conditioning that they will love every minute of mothering, fall madly in love with their baby at first sight, and if you don’t feel that way there is something wrong with you.  The reality is that most women struggle in early motherhood; the learning curve in mothering is overwhelmingly steep in a culture that does not support mothers.  Add in an identity crisis, isolation, extreme hormone fluctuations, and chronic sleep deprivation and all the variables are in place for symptoms of depression and anxiety. 
 
The American culture is very individualistic, and most of us have lost close connection with our extended families.  In tribal cultures, four adults are assigned to the care of each baby born until the baby reaches adulthood.  Can you imagine how much lighter motherhood would feel if you had three more adults dedicated to raising your baby?  The extra hands would allow for breaks and rest, which is what the postpartum woman’s body need to fully recover from pregnancy and delivery.   
 
Some of the most common experiences women describe to me leave the woman feeling like she is crazy or losing her mind.  Today I would like to normalize these common postpartum feelings, so that you recognize it is not you that is broken, but rather the culture and lack of support you find yourself in. 
 
-Intrusive Thoughts – having scary thoughts about accidentally or intentionally harming your baby are more common than you think.  These thoughts are terrifying to the thinker and the taboo of speaking about the thoughts, actually breeds more of the thoughts.  Sleep disruptions and hormone imbalance have a profound way of changing thought patterns and perceptions of danger.  These thoughts don’t make you a monster; these thoughts are actually an indication that you need more breaks from childcare and more support in your life currently.
 
-This isn’t what I thought it would be!  So many new moms are shocked at the lifestyle change motherhood unearths.  I’ve heard hundreds of women say they think they made a mistake becoming a mom, despite really loving their baby.  It is so normal to feel sadness over losing your freedom and spontaneity, for your career identity to change drastically, or your body image to be at an all time low. No one can really prepare you for the ego death involved with becoming a mother; it’s an identity shift that our culture doesn’t recognize and honor like tribal cultures do. 
 
-I can’t stand my partner! Anger and irritability are normal emotional experiences in the postpartum period.  In my opinion, it is not an indication that you are an angry woman, but rather a sign that your hormones are not balanced, your basic needs are not being honored, and/or an indication that you need more breaks and rest.  At its core, anger is energy in the body to mobilize when there is a boundary violation.  Therefore, we should listen to the rumbles of irritability before it screams louder as fits of rage.  Your emotions are alarm systems of the body alerting you when things are off balance.  It is so common to take out anger and frustrations on your partner, because you don’t want to feel it towards your baby.  It is very normal to feel disconnected from your partner the whole first year postpartum, as you are re-negotiating needs and roles by adding a third person (or fourth or fifth) into the couple dynamic. 
 
-Birth Trauma - Many women do not get the birth they imagined or expected.  If you have a sexual abuse history and your needs are not heard or honored, you felt unsupported, or feared that you or your baby would die during birth there is a potential for the birth experience to be shadowed with PTSD symptoms.  Birth is one of the most spiritually profound moments in a woman’s life.  Unfortunately, the birth industry in America by and large is not sensitive to trauma and the psychological consequences of not supporting a laboring woman in the unique way her soul needs support result in birth trauma.  Discharging the fear and trauma from a birth experience can go a long way in postpartum mental health. 
 
-Childhood Wounds - For better or worse, birth is a portal for all the unresolved wounds from your childhood to come rushing to the surface of your heart.  The conundrum is that now you are tasked with keeping an infant alive and that doesn’t leave much downtime for processing emotional wounds and traumas you experienced as a girl.  How you were mothered (and fathered) greatly impacts your attitudes and beliefs about mothering.  Different psychological and developmental milestones your baby experiences on the way to becoming an older kid have the potential to trigger unconscious memories from your past wounding.  It is a golden opportunity for healing, but often times feels like you are resurrecting all the painful aspects of your childhood.  Healing your inner child helps to clear the way for you to be the mom you always imagined. 
 
If you are not feeling like yourself since becoming a mom, welcome to the club!  Find a tribe, ask for help, and get support processing ancient childhood emotions or birth trauma.  Invest in yourself in the postpartum period; self-care is not selfish!  This career of motherhood requires lots of tender self-care and self-compassion and you are definitely worth it! 


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More on Postpartum Hormones

11/9/2017

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​​​More on Postpartum Hormones
By: Kelli Foulkrod
 









Did you know that breastfeeding mothers have six heavy hitting hormones surging through their bloodstream daily?  These six key hormones, progesterone, estrogen, thyroid, cortisol, oxytocin, and prolactin have a delicate and synergistic balance and when one hormone is too high or too low, it can throw the whole endocrine system out of whack. 
 
Did you also know that hormone imbalances often get misdiagnosed as a postpartum mood disorder?  I’ve worked with multiple women with an underlying thyroid imbalance that got missed and led her to the path of psychiatry, when she first needed to consult with an endocrinologist.  Thyroid and hormone imbalances mimic psychiatric symptoms.  Therefore, in my opinion, it is vital to “check under the hood” with a full thyroid panel, complete blood count, and hormone testing done by a healthcare provider with expertise in postpartum hormones.  It is important to rule out physiological causes of mental suffering before beginning any treatment process. 
 
There are a variety of herbs, supplements, exercises, and pharmaceuticals to address hormones and thyroid issues.   Another piece to the puzzle is addressing pelvic floor dysfunction, from a physical therapist perspective, which can help to bring balance to the woman’s body. 
 
Women are complex beings!  There are many, many variables that contribute to postpartum mood struggles.  Chronic sleep deprivation in conjunction with huge (the biggest of your whole life!) hormone shifts has the potential to cause a woman to feel overwhelmed, sad, or fearful. 



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Holistic Approaches and Prevention of Postpartum Depression

8/17/2017

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I hope that all you mamas have had a relaxing summer and survived the dog days :).  I am so excited to share this podcast I recently did with a new holistic nutritionist here in Austin, Tx.  I am passionate about sharing knowledge and education for women to empower them to become their own healer.  Check out the interview here, it is a quick 30 minute podcast: 

http://www.thrivalnutrition.com/podcast/thrival-nutrition-podcast/episode-77/

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Yoga for Depression: the research evidence

5/6/2017

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Yoga for Depression
By Kelli Foulkrod

 




We all know that practicing yoga makes you feel good, but did you know that science is now beginning to demonstrate evidence that a consistent yoga and meditation practice is also an effective treatment for depression?  Scientists think yoga works by regulating the nervous system by increasing vagal tone and supports the body’s ability to successfully respond to stress by practicing meditation and breathing practices to calm the mind. 
 
Let’s break down the healing benefits yoga has on the nervous system by examining the evidence.  There is now a growing body of scientific research studies to support the use of yoga and meditation in the treatment of depression.
  1. Decreases depressive symptoms – Woolery et al., 2004 found in a group of young adults that the yoga group demonstrated a significant decrease in depressive symptoms and state trait anxiety.  Also, Uebelacker et al, 2017 did a randomized controlled trial in a group with persistent depression and found that the yoga group reported fewer depressive symptoms over the 6 month follow period, and had better social and role functioning.
  2. Increases GABA – Streeter et al., (2010) showed in a pilot study that increases in GABA activity were found in the brains of the group with a consistent yoga practice.   GABA is of course the most abundant calming neurotransmitter and low levels have been linked to anxiety and depression.   
  3. Lowers cortisol  - Kamei et al., (2000) demonstrated decreases in serums cortisol during a yoga practice and hypothesized that this was related to alpha brain wave activation.  Cortisol is the stress hormone that when released chronically has been linked to lower levels of serotonin and dopamine in the brain.
  4. Increases self-esteem and well-being - Goldstein et al., (2016) found that young adults had significant increases in self-esteem and sense of well being and empowerment after completing a yoga and breathing group.
  5. Increased heart rate variability – Tyagi & Cohen, (2016) Meta-analysis suggest that yoga can affect cardiac autonomic regulation with increased HRV and vagal dominance during yoga practices.  Depression has been previously linked to low heart rate variability in cardiac patients. 
  6. Anti-inflammatory effects - Kaliman et al (2014) found enhanced genomic expression of anti-inflammatory genes and suppression of inflammatory in a group of expert meditators.  There is a theory in functional medicine which suggests that the negative mood symptoms of anxiety and depression are actually a by product of the body’s innate alarm system, altering the individual of immune system activation due to inflammation in the body.  Therefore, current researchers are now exploring the correlation between high levels of inflammatory cytokines and mental health symptoms.
  7. Vagal nerve tone - Kalyani, et al., (2011) using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) researchers showed that chanting OM deactivated the limbic system, which is similar to the effects of vagus nerve stimulation treatments used for depression. 
  8. Addresses trauma – Rhodes et al., (2016) 60 women with chronic PTSD in a long term follow up study found that those with a consistent yoga practice, demonstrated greater decreases in PTSD symptom severity and depression symptoms.
  9. Reduces anxiety and worry – Hylander, F., et al. (2017) Found significant reductions in anxiety symptoms and worry when using a combination of mindfulness and yin yoga. 
  10. Balances blood sugar – Chimkode et al., (2015) yoga group over a 2-year period found to have lowered high blood sugar levels in patients with type 2 diabetes.  Hypoglycemia has been repeatedly connected to a wide range of mental and emotional symptoms such as anxiety and significant sadness.
 
With the growing mountain of research evidence supporting the use of yoga for mental health benefits, it is worth considering as a treatment option for those looking for alternatives to pharmaceuticals or looking to take less pharmaceuticals.  Just as one would take a pharmaceutical daily, it is recommended that yoga and meditation be practiced consistently in order to see the full benefits of the practice.  Yoga is dose dependent, meaning the more you do, the better you will feel!


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Practical Postpartum Mood Tips

10/7/2016

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By: Kelli Foulkrod, MS, LPA, RYT
 
Not feeling like yourself after having a baby?  Feel like you are losing your mind as a new mom?  Are you angry and irritable with your partner all the time? Overwhelmed and isolated?  These are all signs you are a new mom in a culture that doesn’t support the postpartum period!! 
 
What if you aren’t the crazy one, and what if our culture is broken?  I work with so many women who have identified themselves as the problem, when from my perspective it is actually the lack of support and education in America surrounding the postpartum period.  Listed below are some practical postpartum mood tips to help support your body, mind, and spirit. 
 
FIND YOUR TRIBE
I know the idea of meeting new moms when you are sleep deprived, hormonal, and living in your pajamas feels overwhelming.  But mom friends are KEY to your survival.  There are tons of studies showing that circles of women help to regulate female hormones.  And you get a comrade while you are in the trenches. 
 
Here are some of my favorite ways to meet new moms:
Hike it baby - www.hikeitbaby.com/find-your-city/                                                                                             
The circle - www.austin-born.com/classes/                        
Partners in Parenting - www.pipaustin.org/programs.html                                                                      
Stroller Strides - www.austinmetro.fit4mom.com/#/today   
Mother’s Unfolding -  http://consciousbirthingaustin.com/mothers-unfolding/           
 
LEARN HOW TO ASK FOR HELP
One of the hardest lessons you will learn postpartum is that you need help; and you have to ask for the help, people cannot read your mind ;).  In our culture we are conditioned to feel guilty or like a burden when we ask for help.
 
Hiring a postpartum doula, babysitter, or house cleaner, temporarily, are great ways to get help.  Sometimes you have to pay your tribe, and there are cost effective ways to get help.
 
HEAL YOUR WOUNDS
Childbirth is a portal for all your unresolved wounds from your childhood to come rushing to the surface.  How you were mothered when you were a girl starts to feel very familiar when you become a mother.  You also need your mother in the postpartum period.  If your birth mother is gone or inaccessible, you can get that nurturance from a surrogate mother.  Psychotherapy is an opportunity to have a re-do on your relationship with women; a chance to have an accepting, nurturing female hold the space and witness your pain, without judgment. 
 
MAKE SELF-CARE A PRIORITY
What a challenge it is to get quiet downtime with a baby!  Not only do you deserve it, but also good self-care in the postpartum period is the only way to stay sane!  Our mothers and mother’s mothers lived in oppressive conditions and did not have the opportunity to do self-care in the childbearing years.  So we are left with a TON of guilt if we take time away from the baby, and end up feeling selfish.  Get creative by having lunch with friends (alone), getting a massage or pedicure, going to yoga, or a walk around Town Lake.  Find one activity that nurtures your soul, and do it!
 
UNCOVER YOUR INTUITION
We as women have been trained to discount our intuition; intuition is not valued in this culture of logic and reason.  You are hormonally wired to your baby, and YOU know what is best for your baby.  It is SO easy to get confused by all the advice and opinions of others, that it begins to drown out the sensations and feelings in your gut that are nudging you.  Mama intuition is beyond words and language; it is that feeling you get, where you just know.  It is one of your super powers as a mom, so get support if you can't discern it. 
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OMEGA 3s
Your body has been drained and depleted of vital nutrients from pregnancy and nursing, and it is time to rebuild!  There is a ton of research showing the connection between Omega 3 supplementation and lower rates of postpartum depression (see referenced research studies on my website under resources). 
 
THYROID FUNCTION
Unbalanced thyroid functioning is common postpartum.  Thyroid imbalance can masquerade as psychiatric symptoms of anxiety and depression.  It is worth having full thyroid panel to rule out physical underpinnings for mood symptoms.
 
YOGA NIDRA & INSOMNIA
Insomnia is common in the postpartum period.  Yoga Nidra is a guided meditation practice known as “yogic sleep”.  Recent studies have found a 45-minute daily practice to be equivalent to the restorative effects of 3-4 hours of REM sleep.  Therefore, this practice is solid gold for sleep-deprived moms!
Here is a FREE yoga nidra for postpartum mood: http://www.counselingfornewmoms.com/resources.html
Check out my postpartum sleep hygiene handout:
http://www.counselingfornewmoms.com/blog/postpartum-sleep-hygiene

The first year postpartum will likely be the hardest year of your life.  The chaos is temporary, yet our egos have a way of convincing us it’s permanent.  YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB.  You are the best mom for your baby and you deserve self-care and support.  Rinse.  Repeat! 


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Postpartum Sleep Hygiene

8/18/2016

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By Kelli Foulkrod, MS, LPA, RYT

I work with SO many women who have trouble with their sleep in the postpartum period.  Part of the challenge is the extreme hormone fluctuations, but chronic night wakings literally transform a woman's sleep architecture. Ongoing sleep disruption reshapes a woman's nervous system to create a state of hyper vigilance, of "always being on in case of danger". This would actually be a beneficial thing if we were still living out in the wild and living among predatory animals.  Yet in our modern world, postpartum insomnia is quite inconvenient and typically leads to daytime mood symptoms.  

But remember, your body is amazing!  It birthed your baby and has innate healing wisdom.  All the negative emotions, insomnia, and chaos in the postpartum period are actually part of your healing process, and not a process to shut down or avoid.  You are not broken or crazy...you are living in a culture that makes early mothering VERY hard.  Reach out for help if you need a guide on the crooked path of motherhood!  

​Check out this postpartum sleep hygiene handout I created to offer tips and knowledge for sleepy new mamas.  If you share the document, please give credit where credit is due :).  
postpartum_sleep_hygeine.pdf
File Size: 561 kb
File Type: pdf
Download File

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9 Lessons for Healing After a Miscarriage From A Prenatal Yoga Teacher

7/16/2016

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9 Lessons For Healing After A Miscarriage From A Prenatal Yoga Teacher
Lisa Young is the owner of Austin Prenatal Yoga, dedicated to pre & post natal yoga and natural birth prep classes.  She has been a student and teacher of yoga for 17 years.  Lisa lives in Austin, TX with her husband, 2 children, and pup. 
http://www.austinprenatalyoga.com
lisajoyyoga@yahoo.com

Earlier this year I had a miscarriage 9 weeks into my third pregnancy. I was surprised and shocked. My two previous pregnancies were smooth. Plus, I practice yoga, live a spiritual life, and am a prenatal yoga teacher. None of these things, however, made me immune to having a miscarriage or protected me from experiencing the raw emotions that come with one. 

Although miscarrying was intense, bewildering, and sad, being a yogini helped me to cope with the mixed emotions and body changes. In my quiet moments of reflection and healing, I recorded several lessons I learned from my experience, and I want to share those lessons with you. 

One: Hearing “I'm sorry” does not help.  

People often resort to, “I’m sorry, when they don’t know what else to say. That’s not to suggest they are sincere in their expression, but those overused words aren’t always the most comforting. Higher energy sentiments like, “Your body’s wisdom,” “Everyone grieves miscarriage differently,” or “It's nothing you did, so don't fault yourself,” are immensely comforting. For me, these simple phrases were more healing, pacifying, and empowering than “I'm sorry.” 

In yoga we are taught that our language has a huge impact on our how we think about and interact with our bodies. I will be more mindful to choose words that uplift and instill trust in a woman’s body after miscarriage.

Two: Confide in close friends to feel acknowledged and heard.

Not many people even knew I was pregnant, so when the miscarriage happened I felt alone. I felt sad, confused, and anxious. I wanted to talk about what I was going through with close friends and family to feel validated. Yoga reminds us to be honest with ourselves and with others which is satya or truthfulness. Now, I know to be a good listener and to be honest with other mamas going through a miscarriage to help ease the isolation and distress they may be feeling.  

Three: Accept and love your body.

I looked even more pregnant after the miscarriage, with weeks of bloating and weight gain. Although rationally I knew these changes were from hormones, my uterus adjusting, and my body still thinking it was pregnant, I had a hard time accepting my softer belly and wider hips. Yoga’s emphasis on ahimsa, or loving-kindness and non-harming, helped me to be more gentle with myself as I worked through the painful experience of miscarriage.

Four:  Practice yoga and breathe deeply.

I found refuge and healing on my yoga mat after the miscarriage. On my mat I moved slowly, breathed deeply, and shed tears. I tried to welcome all of my feelings without judging them. Yoga teaches us that, in order to heal, we need to feel difficult emotions without judgment, which allows them to move through us quicker to let them go. Yoga teachers often refer to the pelvis and hips as “the junk drawer of emotions”. Thus, it felt healing to do seated hip openers, like one-legged pigeon and seated bound angle, along with deep breathing because it aided in moving the energy of grief.    

Five: It’s healing to move forward, stay present, and be grateful.

My family went on a planned trip to Disney World just 5 days after my miscarriage! Although that was not the most nurturing or soothing place to be in the world, it kept my mind distracted, and I rode some thrilling roller coasters I wouldn't have gotten to ride pregnant! 

Yoga teaches us to be grateful for and focus on what we already have. Otherwise, we miss out on the preciousness of our lives right here, right now. I have two amazing kids already, right in front of me, to enjoy and be grateful for. 

Six:  Replace blame and guilt with trust.

I felt responsible for my miscarriage and believed that I didn't have the “right stuff” to make a baby because I am 40-years-old. I had to work hard to remind myself there was nothing wrong with me. Yoga teaches we are all whole and complete at our core. Ultimately, I didn't need to understand why the miscarriage happened. Rather, I had to trust the intelligence and mystery of life. 

Seven:  It’s OK to normalize miscarriage.

I wanted my children, especially my 7-year-old daughter, to understand that miscarriage is a normal part of life and to not be afraid of it. Rather than throwing traumatic unsaid feelings about miscarriage into “the junk drawer” (the hips), we talked about miscarriage in order to process, acknowledge and normalize life's truths and complex emotions.    

Eight:  Be open to unexpected gifts.

One treasure I gained is a deeper understanding of how I can help others as a prenatal yoga teacher. The mamas who have a past history of miscarriage are distrusting, fearful, and anxious. I can now be a true source of comfort, understanding, and hope to my students who have had a miscarriage or are going through one. Yoga poses like a forward fold or downward facing dog can help to calm an anxious mind. 

Nine: Welcome new beginnings.

What can feel like an ending may be the beginning of another chapter, just like we flow in and out of yoga poses to the next, the breath rising and falling away. Maybe it was not the right time for another baby in our family, but, as the clouds of miscarriage started to clear, I sensed it was the right time to expand my prenatal yoga business. 

A woman's uterus or hara, is her center of creation. Although my uterus did not create a baby, I unexpectedly felt a new surge of creativity on the rise. Something had been created and birthed, even through the loss of a miscarriage. Transforming the energies of miscarriage to invite the new and let go of the old was healing and life giving.

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The Motherhood Revolution!

5/8/2016

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MOTHERHOOD REVOLUTION 
By:  Kelli Foulkrod, MS, LPA, RYT
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This mother’s day, let’s unite and start a motherhood revolution!  It’s time for women to start being honest about motherhood, to let go of the myths and beliefs handed down to us from previous generations, and to support one another instead of competing and judging. 
 
As a perinatal psychotherapist, I have my finger on the pulse of new moms and the influence that our American culture has on the female’s expectations and contentment levels for the child rearing years.  This is not a blame game, and I’m not here to attack our mother’s, our grandmothers, and our great grandmothers.  These women did the best they could with the era they were living in, and the amount of oppression and silencing our female ancestors experienced to birth us into being was insurmountable.  It seems though, that along the way, somewhere in between patriarchy and women’s liberation, women as a whole absorbed and perpetuated some dysfunctional core beliefs.  There are four themes I have observed in these unspoken beliefs that need to be candidly examined, and gracefully laid to rest:
  • You will love being a mom 100% of the time.    Oh the mother’s guilt when we find ourselves dreading an extended amount of time in full on mothering mode (maternity leave, summer vacations, spring break).  We tell ourselves we “should” always love spending time with our children and when we don’t we beat ourselves up.  The truth is your relationship with your children is like any other human relationship. Sometimes you need breaks and distance from certain friendships or lovers.  The same is true with our babies and kiddos who shine a light on our blind spots and show us where we need to heal.  There are some days that those reminders are too poignant and we need a break from the relationship…and that is ok; totally natural and totally rational. 
  • You are weak if you ask for help.  The roots of this one come from America’s sense of “rugged individualism” and every man for himself.  It’s built into our psyche that if you are a strong independent woman, you don’t need to rely on anyone else.  And that asking for help is a sign of weakness or inadequacy.  It brings up all our dependency needs and makes us feel needy and vulnerable.  So we suffer in silence.  The truth is that humans are social creatures; we thrive on community and interdependence.  On average in tribal cultures, it takes 4 people to adequately raise a baby into adolescence.  Four!   And here we are trying to do it with 2, sometimes 1, with the bulk of the responsibilities falling on the woman.  No wonder we are perceived as angry, crazy women!
  • Self-sacrifice is what motherhood is all about.  Putting your needs last, makes for an unhappy and grumpy mama.  100% of self-sacrifice is called martyrdom and makes for a victim mentality; that is not something we want to teach our offspring.  Yes, some of your needs fall by the wayside, especially in early mothering, but to consistently stifle your self-care and need for growth is actually teaching your children how to be subtly violent towards themselves.  What we are up against when we take breaks, or put our needs first, is a mountain of mother’s guilt and shame and the screaming message that we are selfish. 
  • Your soul’s destiny is mothering.  When we become a mother, there is a built in idea that mothering is our life’s purpose.  It’s our duty, our responsibility to focus solely on children and our passions and dreams get put on the backburner.  So a lot of women swallow their dreams or make excuses (sometimes even blaming their children for never manifesting their goals) to maintain the status quo.  If a woman does take a leap and pursues her dreams, and this pursuit takes her away from her duties as a mother, the amount of conditioning and programming she experiences has the potential to shut down her efforts.  It’s ok and actually feasible to have a bigger vision for your life, outside of mothering…it takes a village, asking for help, and processing shame to break through this old belief. 
The more we can be honest with other mothers, the more we give each other permission to do the same.  The motherhood revolution is possible if we can drop the façade of being Joan Cleaver and having everything under control.  We are all floundering, overwhelmed, and doubting our capacity to be a good enough mother.  Even me!  With my professional training and knowledge in child development, I still make mistakes on the regular.  I believe admitting my flaws in mothering allows me to stand in my own personal power and helps to slowly dissolve some of the myths that perfection in parenting is possible. ¡Viva la Revolución!
 
 


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The Postpartum Period as a Dark Night of the Soul

3/16/2016

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The postpartum period as a dark night of the soul
By Kelli Foulkrod, MS, LPA, RYT
 
“The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation.  When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.”  Joseph Campbell
 





I believe that finding meaning in suffering is one of the keys to transformation.  Over the years in my work as a perinatal psychotherapist, I have sat with countless postpartum women describing they symptoms of a “dark night of the soul” experience.  My training as a yoga teacher, and practicing meditation for over 14 years, gives me a unique perspective into the cultural suffering so many women experience as new moms. 
 
While the term “dark night of the soul” is used broadly, its general meaning is a lengthy and profound absence of light and hope. In the dark night you feel profoundly alone.
We tend to doubt everything we’ve known to be true. In worst-case scenarios, one tends to fall into an existential crisis. But, if we are able to make it through this dark time, and shed that which has shaken us to the core, we reemerge even more expansive and whole than before.
 
The suffering comes from being caught between the old way of life and the new possibilities, and a sense of alienation intensifies. A profound sense of deep longing for the woman you once were settles in; missing the woman who was spontaneous, free to come and go as she pleased, and independent and strong without needing to be vulnerable and rely on others. 
 
There is also a feeling that you would do anything to get out of this state, yet it is only your ego, which is keeping you in it. However, this insight is impossible for you to grasp while going through a dark night.  And it feels so uncomfortably alone. Sure, you have friends and you appreciate them, but you are keenly aware they are not capable of feeling what you are feeling or knowing what you are going through.  The old version of this woman (who was focused on her own self-interests) in essence has died.  And there is a period of grief in letting go of the woman she used to be. 
 
When a woman can awaken into her new identity, which is no longer based on concepts of the mind, a deeper sense of purpose and connectedness emerges.  It’s a kind of re-birth.  What dies is the egoic sense of self; your crusty, old ego requires you go through the dark night in order to be transformed into this new woman that the world and your baby need.  Of course, ego death is always painful, but nothing real has actually died there…only an illusory identity.  This new woman, a different version of the old self, now integrates the nature of the feminine, and steps into the warrior spirit of a mother.  Dark nights really do require a guide; you cannot navigate the trappings of your own ego with your ego.  The power of receiving support from a strong woman who has made it through her own dark night, makes the process of transformation more bearable and less threatening.  Reach out for support, as you are being reborn into your new identity of mother.  

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TRUTHS about early mothering

1/26/2016

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, By Kelli Foulkrod
 
It seems like there are A LOT of myths about early mothering going around out there.  The diaper commercials, Pinterest, and stories we hear from previous generations give us the following messages:
 
-pregnancy is the most blissful time of your life and you will love every minute of it.
 
-you will fall in love with your baby immediately after giving birth.
 
-breastfeeding is easy and it comes naturally; you can figure it out all on your own.
 
-motherhood is about self-sacrifice and your personal needs no longer matter.  If you do take time for yourself, then you are selfish.
 
-you should be able to raise a baby all by yourself.
 
-if you had a traumatic labor and delivery, all that matters is your baby is healthy.
 
And there are more.  So, so, so much SHAME comes with the title of new mom in this culture.  Shame that we are incompetent and don’t know how to do mothering if the skill set doesn’t come naturally.  Shame if we don’t 100% love mothering and all that we have given up of our old identity.  Shame if we have mixed feelings about our baby because our old childhood wounds are coming to the surface.  Naturally, we look to peers and family and Facebook for examples of how to mother and what we are left with is feeling even more inadequate after we get done comparing ourselves to others who have just reinforced the myths. 
 
The truth is early mothering is hard; it is like being in the trenches in a war zone.  I would argue that it is the most challenging chapter of your entire life.  You are tired, hormonal, and no longer able to get basic needs met like taking showers regularly and timely bathroom breaks.  Your body is no longer your own and most likely you are facing some major body shame due to post pregnancy changes.  And your relationships have changed.  You don’t feel like having sex and you don’t have time for friendships.  Furthermore, your old friends who don’t have children can’t really relate to the vortex you have just entered and your friendships change.  And motherhood is lonely, and isolating. 
 
It’s time to be honest about mothering.  The more candid we can be with our friends and family, the more we give permission to others to do the same.  It doesn’t discount our love for our babies at all; instead, it is liberating and cathartic to admit that this is the hardest job you will ever love.  And the truth is it gets waaaaaay better after the first year :).
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    Kelli Foulkrod, MS, LPA, RYT

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